Thank you everyone for your helpful responses. This clarifies so much for us. I'll make sure to work with the hospice social worker to look into the additional medical cost assistance programs mentioned, and I'll definitely make sure my dad has his direct deposit information on file with SSA. It sounds like there's no benefit to pursuing the compassionate allowance route in our situation, which helps us focus our energy on more productive paths. I truly appreciate all of your insights and experiences during this difficult time.

I'm so sorry about your mother's diagnosis. This is such a difficult time for your family. Just wanted to add one more thing that might be helpful - if your parents haven't already, make sure they have all the important paperwork organized (Social Security cards, Medicare cards, bank account info, etc.) in one place that your dad can easily access. When my grandmother was going through something similar, we found it really helpful to have everything ready ahead of time so my grandfather didn't have to search for documents while dealing with grief. Also, consider having your mom sign any necessary forms or authorizations now while she's still able to, so your dad can handle things on her behalf if needed later. The community here has given you excellent advice about the Social Security aspects - I hope some of the other assistance programs work out to help with costs.

I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult situation. As someone who recently helped navigate similar challenges with my elderly parents, I wanted to add a few practical suggestions that haven't been mentioned yet: 1) **Document everything now while he can still communicate**: Create a detailed inventory of all accounts, insurance policies, investment accounts, and important contacts (doctors, financial advisors, etc.). Include account numbers, phone numbers, and any special instructions. 2) **Consider a medical alert system**: As his condition progresses, having a way for him to call for help if you're not home becomes crucial. Many have fall detection features too. 3) **Look into your state's SHIP program** (State Health Insurance Assistance Program) - they provide free counseling about Medicare benefits and can help you understand what services might be covered for dementia care. 4) **Banking considerations**: Make sure you have joint access to all accounts, but also consider setting up automatic bill pay for essential services now while he can still approve the setup. The credit card situation is tough, but being an authorized user does help build some credit history. You might also ask your bank about a secured credit card - they're easier to qualify for and can help establish your independent credit. You're being incredibly proactive by planning ahead. Take it one step at a time, and don't hesitate to lean on the support resources others have mentioned.

I'm going through a very similar situation with my mother who has early-stage dementia, so I completely understand how overwhelming this feels. A few additional things that have been lifesavers for us: **Financial Power of Attorney - get it done IMMEDIATELY**: Like others said, this becomes impossible once cognitive decline progresses. We waited just a few months too long and had to involve doctors to verify mom's capacity. **Social Security Representative Payee**: Since you mentioned your husband gets confused about financial matters, consider applying to become his representative payee now. This gives you legal authority to manage his SS benefits and can prevent issues if he becomes unable to handle his own affairs. **Credit cards**: Try applying for a secured card through your current bank - they already know your banking history. Also, many credit unions are more lenient with members who have limited credit history. **Important timing note**: You mentioned his doctor thinks his condition will progress faster than average. If that's the case, prioritize the legal documents (POA, healthcare directives) over everything else. The financial stuff can be figured out later, but once he can't legally sign documents, your options become much more limited and expensive. **One practical tip**: Start handling more of the day-to-day finances now (bill paying, bank visits, etc.) while he can still guide you through the process. This helps you learn the systems while he's available to help. You're doing everything right by planning ahead. It's hard, but future you will be so grateful for the preparation you're doing now.

Everyone keeps talking about "reduced benefits" before FRA but no one mentioned exactly HOW reduced. For someone with an FRA of 66 and 8 months, taking benefits just 4 months early (in May instead of September) would result in a reduction of about 2.2% from your full benefit amount. That's PERMANENT - meaning for the rest of your life, your benefit would be 97.8% of what it could have been. Whether that trade-off is worth it depends on your financial situation. Just something to consider!

Just wanted to add one more important detail that might help with your planning - when you do apply (whether it's for September benefits or earlier), make sure to have all your documents ready ahead of time. You'll need your birth certificate, W-2 forms or tax returns, and bank account information for direct deposit. The application process itself can take a few weeks to process, so don't wait until the last minute! I applied about 2 months before I wanted my benefits to start and it worked out perfectly timing-wise. Also, once you start receiving benefits, you'll get a letter each year showing your payment schedule for the upcoming year, which really helps with budgeting.

I went through this exact same situation two years ago! The phone wait times are absolutely brutal - I feel your pain. I ended up successfully applying online for ex-spouse benefits and it was much easier than I expected. Here's what worked for me: Go to ssa.gov and start the retirement application. When it asks about previous marriages, select yes and provide your ex's information (name, DOB, and SSN if you have it - but name and DOB should work). The system will automatically consider both your own record and spousal benefits and pay whichever is higher. For the documents, I scanned my marriage certificate and divorce decree as clear PDFs and uploaded them during the application. You don't need every page of the divorce decree - just the pages that show the marriage dates, divorce date, and final judgment. One thing that really helped me was doing the application late at night (around 10-11 PM) when their servers seemed less busy. The whole process took about an hour including uploading documents. I got confirmation within a week and my first payment about a month later. Don't stress too much about the early filing reduction - sometimes getting money now is more important than maximizing future payments. You're the only one who knows your situation best!

I just went through this process myself about 6 months ago and wanted to share what worked for me! The online application definitely works for ex-spouse benefits, but here are some tips that made it smoother: 1. Make sure you have your ex's full legal name exactly as it appears on official documents - middle names, suffixes, etc. The SSA system is picky about exact matches. 2. You don't need to notify your ex that you're applying. The SSA handles everything behind the scenes and your ex won't even know unless they specifically ask SSA about their record. 3. For the document uploads, I found it helpful to call them "clear and legible scans" - use a scanning app on your phone rather than just taking photos. The contrast needs to be really good or they'll reject them. 4. One thing I wish someone had told me: you can actually start the application, save it, and come back to finish it later if you need to gather more documents. Don't feel pressured to complete everything in one sitting. The whole process took about 3 weeks from application to first payment for me. The reduction at 62 was worth it in my case since I needed the income. Hang in there - the online system really does work once you get past the initial hurdles!

As someone who's been through the SSA maze myself, I'd definitely recommend scheduling that in-person appointment! The automated messages you're getting are just their standard processing notifications - they don't really tell you anything useful about your actual SSI eligibility. The reality is that with your husband's military retirement and VA disability income totaling $5,600/month, you're likely over the SSI income limits (which are around $1,415/month for couples in 2025). But it's still worth getting an official determination so you know for sure. One thing to keep in mind: when your husband does claim his Social Security at 62 in 2028, your spousal benefit will be based on his reduced amount since he's claiming before full retirement age. Given that you already have his military pension and VA disability for income, you might want to crunch the numbers on whether it makes sense for him to wait until his full retirement age (probably 67) to maximize both of your lifetime benefits. Also, don't forget about TRICARE for Life when he turns 65 - that plus Medicare will give you excellent healthcare coverage even if you have to wait a bit longer for it. Hang in there!

I really feel for your situation! As a military spouse myself, I know how isolating it can feel when the system doesn't seem designed for people who've sacrificed their own careers for service and caregiving. Based on what others have shared, your household income of $5,600/month unfortunately puts you well over the SSI limits. But here's something encouraging - spousal Social Security benefits are typically much better than SSI anyway! When your husband claims at 62, you could potentially get up to 50% of his benefit amount, which will likely be significantly more than the maximum SSI payment. That said, I'd echo what others have mentioned about considering whether he should wait past 62 to claim. Since you have his military retirement and VA disability providing a solid foundation, running the numbers on waiting until his full retirement age (probably 67) could mean substantially higher lifetime benefits for both of you. Also, don't overlook that you'll eventually have an amazing healthcare setup with Medicare + TRICARE for Life - that's honestly one of the best healthcare combinations you can have in retirement. The waiting is frustrating, but you're actually in a much better position than many people. Your husband's military service is going to provide you with multiple layers of financial security that most civilian couples don't have access to. Hang in there!