Don't beat yourself up too much about filing early - sometimes you need the money when you need it! I'm in a similar boat and found that calling SSA's automated phone line (1-800-772-1213) can actually give you some basic benefit information without waiting for a human. Press 0 to get to the menu, then you can request they mail you a detailed benefit statement that shows your PIA. It takes about 10 days but might save you the hassle of trying to get through to someone. Also, if your husband hasn't filed yet, you might want to run some scenarios on when he should file - if he can wait past his FRA, his benefits increase 8% per year until age 70, which would also increase your potential spousal benefit.

Just wanted to add my experience - I was in almost the exact same situation! Filed at 62, husband waited until his FRA. The key thing that helped me understand it was realizing that Social Security basically looks at two scenarios when your husband files: 1) Keep getting what you're already getting, or 2) Get a spousal benefit. You get whichever is higher, not both. In my case, I got an extra $180/month when my husband filed. Not huge, but every bit helps! One tip - if you have trouble finding your PIA (Primary Insurance Amount) on your Social Security statement, it's sometimes listed as your "full retirement age benefit amount" in the online portal. That's the number they use for the 50% spousal calculation, not your reduced amount. Good luck!

Regarding the timing - you mentioned you're 58½ now, so you have about 18 months before reaching that age 60 threshold. It might be worth explaining the situation to your girlfriend if the relationship is serious. Many people understand the importance of financial planning, especially when significant benefits are at stake. Also remember that survivor benefits can be claimed as early as age 60 (with a reduction), or you can wait until your Full Retirement Age for the full amount. This is another factor to consider in your overall planning.

As someone who works in financial planning, I'd strongly recommend getting an official benefit estimate from SSA before making this decision. You can create a my Social Security account online at ssa.gov to see your projected benefits and potentially request a survivor benefit estimate. Given that you mentioned your late wife had a much stronger work record over 22 years, the financial impact of timing this decision could be substantial - potentially thousands of dollars per month difference. Also consider that if you do wait until 60 to remarry, you'll have more flexibility in your claiming strategy. You could potentially claim reduced survivor benefits at 60 and then switch to your own (possibly higher) retirement benefit later if that makes sense. Having actual numbers will help you make an informed decision and might make the conversation with your girlfriend easier - framing it as responsible financial planning rather than just delaying marriage.

Just wanted to add one more thing that might be helpful - when you do apply for your benefits next month, you can also ask SSA to run a benefit estimate for your husband's potential spousal benefits, even though it looks like he won't qualify based on the numbers you've shared. Sometimes there are quirks in the calculations or special circumstances that aren't immediately obvious. Plus, having that official calculation on file could be useful down the road. The worst they can say is "no additional benefits available" but at least you'll know for certain. Good luck with your application!

I just went through a similar situation with my parents last year. One thing that might be worth considering - even if your husband doesn't qualify for spousal benefits now, the rules can sometimes work differently if there are changes in your circumstances later. For example, if you decide to suspend your benefits at some point (which you can do after FRA), or if there are any adjustments to your benefit amounts due to continued work or other factors. Also, I'd recommend keeping detailed records of both of your Social Security statements and any communications with SSA about this. My mom wished she had done this because when questions came up later, it was hard to reconstruct exactly what had been discussed. The SSA representatives are generally helpful, but having your own documentation makes everything smoother. Best of luck with your application next month!

One more thought - since you're at your FRA already, you should look into whether you might qualify for SSI (Supplemental Security Income) if your current Social Security retirement benefit is very low. SSI can provide additional income for those with limited resources. The qualification rules are complicated, but it might be worth investigating. SSI is different from regular Social Security retirement benefits and has different eligibility requirements based on financial need rather than work history.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation - being just shy of 10 years is incredibly frustrating! While you unfortunately can't qualify for survivor benefits from your first husband's record, I wanted to mention one thing that might be worth double-checking. Sometimes people forget about common-law marriage periods that might count toward the 10-year requirement in certain states. If you lived together as married before your legal ceremony in a state that recognizes common-law marriage, those years could potentially count. It's a long shot, but might be worth asking SSA about if applicable to your situation. Also, make sure when you review your earnings record that they've credited you properly for any years you worked while married - sometimes spousal Social Security numbers get mixed up in their system and credits go to the wrong person.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your incredibly helpful advice. I've learned more here than in all my conversations with friends and family about this situation. Based on your suggestions, I'm going to: 1. Schedule an in-person appointment with SSA (with all documents ready) 2. Apply for my daughter's survivor benefits immediately 3. Strongly consider reducing my work hours to get under the earnings limit so I can also claim some survivor benefits while caring for her 4. Plan to switch to my own retirement benefit at FRA or 70 I feel like I finally have a roadmap now! If anyone has additional thoughts or suggestions, I'd love to hear them. And I'll try to come back and update on how things go with SSA. Thanks again for all your help!

Just wanted to add one more thing that might be helpful - when you go to your SSA appointment, ask them to run a "what-if" scenario showing your projected benefits under different claiming strategies. They have software that can model out your lifetime benefits if you claim survivor benefits now vs. waiting, and factor in your higher retirement benefit. Also, since you mentioned this isn't your passion job, don't forget that if you do reduce hours and claim survivor benefits, you'll still be earning Social Security credits toward your own retirement benefit as long as you're earning at least $1,730 per quarter (for 2025). So working part-time won't hurt your future retirement benefit calculations. One last tip: If the first SSA representative seems unsure about the adoption/survivor benefit rules, politely ask to speak with a supervisor or someone who specializes in survivor benefits. This isn't a common situation and not all reps will be familiar with the nuances. You deserve accurate information for such an important decision!